Past, present and future?

When I was younger I mever thought about love. It was forced on me. I always saw other kids as friends or little crushes i had for who they were not tht gender. I thought i was weird for feeling the same way i felt for boys towards girls. I saw no difference in finding them attractive it was just that. To me both could be beautiful and both could be wonderful people. As i got older i realized the only thing i saw was girls like boys and boys liking girl. Never the same gender. Once i realized this i pushed away or more like hide my feelings. Denied them and almost forgot i had them. Not until Middle school where i started falling for girls again. I had crushes on girls and guys and i didn’t understand why. I tried my best to over see these feeling but avoiding them made it worse on me. Not once do i remember seeing two girls together. I felt alienated…a freak. I questioned myself if i was the only one. Not until i went to highschool that i realized liking girls was totaly normal. I talked with this chick over the internet whom i hated in person. Turns out she was pretty nice and to my suprise she liked both genders too. We kept talking and for a moment i was complete. I didn’t feel wierd. I felt like it was totally okay until coming out became more socially okay. My mom began to make mean coments about lesbians in specific and even though i know i wasn’t one. I could potentially end up with a girl. This sent me so back into the closet i started quedtionin if i really liked

2 thoughts on “Past, present and future?

  • mm
    22/10/2016 at 01:31
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    girls. I never kissed a girl. Never thought if a girl sexually. Nothing. Nothing other then holding their hand or finding them physically attractive. So I did what i thought was okay and kissed a girl. Felt wierd but not discustin. I felt back into a crush with the same girl who had never had a bf and once liked a friend of mine. I knew what i was and yet i still questioned myself when i fell in love with a girl. It was different. It was totally different then just a kiss. I fell in love with someone in a way I didn’t think was possible for me. I knew i have felt that way before for someone

  • mm
    22/10/2016 at 01:32
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    else but i got so hurt that time that i swore never to let myself be so weak. It happened out of no where. It caught me off gaurd. I didn’t understand my feelings at the time as it all happened so quickly. This person meant the world to me. Still does. Things ended up differently then what i had hoped and wished for but i have only myself to blame and my own insecurities. I am passed most of them and regardless of what happens in the future i hope I am think two steps ahead.

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