Love of my life vs 10 year relationship

I met both, the man I’ve been madly in love with and my present boyfriend within the same month. The major difference is the man who I have the intense feelings for had done something stupid and was sitting in jail for a while. I had just gotten out of a relationship a year prior, and he was a screw up too. I didn’t want to have to spend months without him so I separated myself from him. I picked the “smart choice”. I do love him, but I’ve began questioning if I am in love. It took almost 9 years for him to propose, and the past 1.5 years have been more than Hell. no kids, on inseparable pets that kept me here.
He started telling small lies a few years ago, ones that didn’t matter, and now it has escalated into hiding things. For instance, he always kept a paper he wrote right before we started dating close by. He admits in the letter about how in love he was with an ex, but denies both the dating and feelings, saying it’s just friends. He texts her and lies to make himself look more accomplished and grown up. I could care less they dated, but why try to impress through lies? It’s a slowly ending relationship between us
I ran into the man I am STILL deeply in love with, telling him that I do have some feelings, his are mutual as well. After 4 days the communication almost stopped between us though. My feelings are so strong they make me physically sick. I am at a loss of what he wants, I’m scared to end my present, but I feel I can’t live without #2. he makes me so happy.

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