I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m 19 years old. I graduated high school last year and I’ve attempted two jobs (fast food and deli) that both ended in anxiety attacks and one of them ending with a two week hospital visit for attempted suicide.
I always get anxious and depressed when I try to have a job. I just can’t stand having to work with people. I can’t even handle a phone call.
I already feel really lost and hopeless knowing that there’s no way for me to make money. I can’t even apply for disability because I’m too anxious. I have no one who can help me with it right now. I’ve already tried once with the help of my mother and I was denied. I’m just tired of knowing I’ll always be worthless.
And it’s not only that I can’t find a job. I’ve never felt that anyone in my life has truly cared about me. My mother is constantly putting me down with her words without realizing it, my father walks in and out of my life just to toy with my emotions, and all of the people who have ever called themselves my friends either were pretending to care for me out of pity, or were just the same as my dad.
It’s hard to feel like being used is just a misconception when it happens so often. I’m just a plaything to other people. I’m completely worthless to the point I can’t hold a job. And I get yelled at for it, too. But, I especially can’t believe it when people try to tell me that they really do care.
How could they care about someone like me?
What should I do?

2 thoughts on “I don’t know what to do anymore.

  • mm
    22/10/2016 at 20:02
    Permalink

    You arnt worthless. They different way from releasing anxiety such as yoga or breathing methods, this may sound stupid but studies show this have proven to work. Maybe for a job think about what you like to do and start off with a relaxing job that you like that could be with animals like simply dog watching for a few day (animals can help relieve stress) or something like that. You could also volunteer many volunteer people are nice and understanding this can help you get more social and less stressed about a more serious job. Anyways I hope I could help good luck.

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