All gone….

My life feels like a lie sometimes and I hate to feel this way but I forget little things that may not seem important but they bother me a lot and I’ve forgotten two weeks of my life. The two weeks I am forgetting is the 2weeks before my dad died. I was like 12 at the time of his death I am now 17 but knowing that I’m forgetting that time makes me feel hollow that last thing I remember before those two weeks is being at my dads nursing home(he was sick all my life but never sick enough to die I thought) and all I did at his nursing home was play a fucking game. I don’t even think I really talked to him that day. What I do know is that was the day I found out my sister had been raped and he knew this but didn’t tell me he told my cousins which told me and hey we’re there at my dads with me and I hung out with them. But going back on topic all I remember after that day was finding out he died and I told my brothers that I didn’t even really say anything to him on his last day and then they said they know because I wasn’t with him on his last day. Apearntly I was at my moms house and some of my brothers and my dad went to a movie on his last day but i feel like they are all liens to me or I did until my aunts said the same thing and then I found out it was a whole two weeks the last time I was with him and I feel nothing but guilt feeling like I could have been there or something and i just feel like I was robbed of the last days I could have had with my dad. It sucks.

One thought on “All gone….

  • mm
    19/10/2016 at 00:31
    Permalink

    I feel empty or like a fraud writing this like I could have done something or should have done something to remember what I’m missing

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